Why We Don’t Want to Fall in Love: A Comment – Hannah Louisa Müschenborn, Germany


(Taken from weheartit.com)

Talking to my parents about guys, I always hear things like “You are just too scared“ or “You are being weird“ because for the longest time, I did not want to be in a relationship. I always thought I didn’t need another person, that I am complete all by myself and that I can only reach my goals as long as there’s no one beside me who could dislike them or even tell me not to fulfil my dreams. Romantic relationships, I thought, only get in the way of what we really want – and I am not the only one.

Our generation, named the Millennials, have forgotten how to love. At least, that is what people say. However, I would like to discuss that maybe our lack of a relationship status is in fact because we do not want to fall in love. Not right now, not at this point of our life, not here. Maybe later. When we are ready. When we have found “The One”.

Finding “The One” is what we have always been taught: We were taught by Disney and other movies that true love exists, and once you find it, there is no effort needed to keep it alive. We were taught that there is someone who suits us perfectly, with whom there would be no reason to fight with, because this person would stay with us regardless of any challenges. In essence, we’ve been taught that we will be able to find someone “perfect”.

Perfection has become a key word for our generation. We all strive for perfection. Good grades are not enough; we want the best grades. We also want the best jobs, occupations that we both love and receive great financial returns for, a great house, a wonderful family. At any given time, we want to be our best, look our best, act our best. We want to be politically correct and kind. We want to be fierce, organized and disciplined, yet spontaneous and fun to be around. We want to travel and meet new people, make new experiences and experience positivity and enlightenment.

Wanting those things isn’t wrong. In fact, wanting those things is great, but let’s be honest – it is unrealistic and affects every miniscule  part of our life, including our romantic relationships. We strive for perfection, yet we forget that it is unattainable. Still, we always want something better. Someone better. We are always questioning everything – is the person whom we are with right now really right for us? What if there is someone better? What if there is someone who will never anger us and will always support us, regardless of our decisions?

And so, we do not commit. “Friends-with-benefits” types of relationship are common these days, especially between teenagers and young adults. We have someone to make out with and sleep with, but if we get too close we can just tell them off. We can opt out of those “relationships” without a second thought. Our “friend-with-benefits” cannot tell us what to do, they have to accept it and if they do not, they have to leave. That way, no one can “get in our way”. It is easy.

But it also makes us lonely. Our generation needs to realise the fact that love may be a choice, and that it is normal and expectable to fight with your significant other. In fact, you will not always like the person you are with and both of you will annoy each other at some point.

This realization, however, will only hit us when we remind ourselves that no matter how hard we try, we will never be “perfect”. Perfection is not good. There is no “perfect fit”, not in a job, or in a person. Our differences and imperfections are what makes us us. Society does not teach us that anymore. Society teaches us that our grades and looks define us, that we need to be perfect – smart, kind, beautiful and wealthy – in order to be appreciated.

It is about time we stand up against these unhealthy and unattainable ideals. We need to teach ourselves that our quirks are what makes us beautiful, that numbers do not define us, and that we all have our differences. So instead of pining for perfection, we should appreciate our flaws and differences, both in ourselves and in others – and maybe then, we will realize that even though there is no “perfect fit” for us, there is someone who makes all the trouble worth it.

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